Copyright 2005 by Beth Mende Conny, ArtofSchmooze.com
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The content of this article may be forwarded in full without special permission provided it is used for not-for-profit purposes and full attribution and copyright notice are given. For other purposes, contact Beth Mende Conny at Beth@ArtofSchmooze.com

Recently I presented an "Art of Schmooze" workshop at an annual conference of 450 fund-raisers, of which I knew not one. Unfortunately, mine was an afternoon session, which meant I'd have to eat lunch in a hall full of strangers. Quickly, I devised a plan. I would arrive early, find a friendly face and sit beside that person. And there she was! A lone woman at an empty table.

"May I join you?" I asked.

"Certainly," she smiled. But no sooner was I seated than she added, "I'm just saving these seats for friends."

I did a quick count. One, two, three, four ... five ... gulp ... six ... seven! Seven seats for seven people who had a year's worth of catching up to do. Knowing I'd be at my conversational lonesome, I devised a new plan. I'd start carbo-loading, namely, eating rolls so I appeared occupied.

Half a roll down, I heard a man say, "This seat taken?"

"It's all yours," I said gratefully, and he plopped into the chair on my left. After the requisite small talk, he introduced himself to the others. Lo and behold! They had all attended the same morning session and immediately began talking shop. I returned to my roll.

Another man approached the table. "Okay to sit here?" he asked, pointing to the seat on my right. "Certainly," I said, relieved.

We barely exchanged names when he noticed the guy to my left. "Son of a gun!" he cried. Turns out, they were high school buddies who hadn't seen each other in 15 years. They, too, had catching up to do. "Remember so-and-so?" "The night we went to such-and-such?" Back and forth, back and forth they went, with me in the middle. It was like watching a tennis match, only I was the net.

Eventually, someone at the table noticed there was another life-form present, namely me, and asked what organization I was with. "None," I replied. "I'm a presenter."

The table quieted. "What are you speaking on?"

I hesitated. "The Art of Schmooze."

"Schmooze? As in how to make conversation?"

"Yes," I said sheepishly. I could just imagine them thinking: "She's teaching people how to talk when she's just sitting there, talking to no one? Cross her session off my list!"

"How interesting," someone muttered after an awkward pause. They then resumed their respective conversations.

Not surprisingly, this was one of the worst luncheons I've ever attended. Nonetheless, I learned four important lessons.

#1: Don't arrive at a banquet early. Wait until others have settled in, so you can make an educated guess as to where to sit.

#2: Avoid tables where large groups of friends congregate. You'll either have to sit on the sidelines or elbow your way into the conversation.

#3: Don't blame yourself for not being the life of the table. No one expects you to anyway; they're too busy putting the onus on themselves.

#4: Go easy on the rolls; stick with the garnish.

Beth Mende Conny is the founder of ArtofSchmooze.com and the author of more than four dozen books and collections, including her latest books, The Confident Schmoozer and What to Say When Talking to Yourself. She is based in the Washington, D.C., area, where she conducts workshops and training sessions for corporations, associations and community organizations. She can be contacted at Beth@ArtofSchmooze.com.

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