Copyright 2005 by Beth Mende Conny, ArtofSchmooze.com
All rights reserved in all media.

The content of this article may be forwarded in full without special permission provided it is used for not-for-profit purposes and full attribution and copyright notice are given. For other purposes, contact Beth Mende Conny at Beth@ArtofSchmooze.com

There's no room for gossip in the workplace. It's hurtful, divisive and pointless. It can damage careers, garner disrespect for management and even lead to proprietary leaks. Worst still, it creates an environment so negative that it becomes difficult to recruit and retain staff and customers.

How do you keep gossip at bay? First, let's define what gossip is and isn't.

Gossip defined
Gossip is both a verb and a noun; you can't have one without the other. To gossip is to spread rumors or reveal personal details about another person. A gossip is one who does the spreading.

Gossips don't work in isolation, however. They need willing accomplices, people like you and me. Face it, we're all guilty on occasion. It's the frequency of these occasions that matters most. If we spend a good part of our time talking about others or listening to the negative things others have to say, we're gossiping.

"Wait!" you may be thinking. "Isn't there a difference between gossiping and shooting the breeze?" Yes. It all depends on your intentions. If you're sharing necessary information, asking for another's person's advice or working through an issue aloud, you can deem yourself innocent. If you're sharing information about others just for the sake of it, trying to recruit people to your way of thinking or to make yourself feel better, chances are you're guilty.

Cleaning house
Before you accuse anyone of gossiping, evaluate your own behavior. Keep tabs on yourself for a week or two. How often do you take part in "borderline" conversations? Which individuals are you most likely to gossip with? What topics do you focus on? (So much of gossip is repetitious.) Do these conversations leave you feeling invigorated or isolated?

Just say no
Saying no to gossip may not make you popular, but it will put others on notice that you subscribe to higher moral principles. Further, it sets a good example and engenders respect. Whether you're an employer or employee, you will be seen as a neutral and thereby fair player.

Saying no can be tricky. You don't want to hurt someone's feelings or embarrass him or her, particularly in public. Nonetheless, don't remain silent, which is akin to giving tacit approval. Instead say things like:

• "Bob, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I'd rather be out of the loop on this one. I know you and Kim don't have a great working relationship, but she and I do, and I'd like to keep it that way."

• "Barbara, before you go further, you need to know it's my policy to not talk about people or share information that's private, especially at work."

Address the real issue
People gossip for a reason, whether justified or not. Identifying the reason can help nip the problem in the bud. For example, if Mary keeps coming into your office to badmouth John, it may be she feels devalued. This may not be something you can or should address. Either way, you have a right to say something like, "Mary — I understand you need to talk about this, but I'm not the right person. John is the one you should talk to."

Take a stand
Should you sense an employee's behavior is negatively influencing others, take him or her aside. Try first to bring festering issues to the surface. Only then can you evaluate and address them constructively. Sometimes the mere act of listening is enough to shift someone's behavior. If not, you must take a firmer stand.

Let the employee know that negative behavior will not be tolerated. Reiterate the importance of teamwork to both career advancement and the success of your business. Help him or her differentiate between gossip, which is unacceptable, and open discussion, which makes everyone a winner.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, follow through. Be vigilant of your own transgressions, become a role model and be available to others so they can tell you what they otherwise are forced to tell others behind closed doors.

Beth Mende Conny is the founder of ArtofSchmooze.com and the author of more than four dozen books and collections, including her latest books, The Confident Schmoozer and What to Say When Talking to Yourself. She is based in the Washington, D.C., area, where she conducts workshops and training sessions for corporations, associations and community organizations. She can be contacted at Beth@ArtofSchmooze.com.

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