Beth Mende Conny is the founder of Art of Schmooze.com and the author of The Confident Schmoozer and What to Say When Talking to Yourself.

Author of The Confident Schmoozer (2004, Blue Island Productions)

The content of this article may be forwarded in full without special permission provided it is used for not-for-profit purposes and full attribution and copyright notice are given. For other purposes, contact Beth Mende Conny at Beth@ArtofSchmooze.com

Most of us think we're good listeners. We nod our heads, make eye contact and mutter an occasional "uh-huh." But listening requires more of us. It's an active, rather than passive, activity. Making the effort is worth it, however, if you want to attract and retain customers. Here are some tips:

• Remember the truism: God gave us two ears and one mouth. In other words, listen more, talk less. Certainly, you want prospective clients to learn more about you. The emphasis, however, should be on you learning more about them. Only then can you fine-tune your message more effectively.

• Heed the agenda. Every conversation has one, be it personal or professional. You make small talk at a networking function to make contacts, or at a singles' bar, hoping to meet someone new. What you say reflects your goal. But yours isn't the only agenda on the table. Those you interact with have their own goals. Listen carefully and you'll identify them. Then, and only then, can the real conversation begin.

• Listen with your body, not just your ears. Turn your body so it faces the other person. Stand or sit in as a relaxed position as possible. Don't overcompensate, however, or you'll become self-conscious.

• Maintain good eye contact, but take an occasional break. Boring into someone's eyes can be unnerving. Take a break, but make it a short one. Don't use the time to peek at your watch or scan the room. The other person will catch you and know you're not really listening.

• Be generous with your facial expressions. As appropriate and as sincerely as possible, smile, tilt your head, look concerned, etc. In other words, don't stand there granite-faced. Matching the mood of others assures them that you hear what they're saying, verbally and emotionally.

Beth Mende Conny is the founder of ArtofSchmooze.com and the author of more than four dozen books and collections, including her latest books, The Confident Schmoozer and What to Say When Talking to Yourself. She is based in the Washington, D.C., area, where she conducts workshops and training sessions for corporations, associations and community organizations. She can be contacted at Beth@ArtofSchmooze.com.

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